Lost My Sexy: Determined To Bring It Back

Honestly, I was having a hard time deciding whether or not to post "before" pictures because let's face it, no one likes to see themselves at their heaviest. Butttttt since I'm making this blog raw and unplugged here you go. The first picture is from March 2010, second, third, & fourth from Summer 2010, and last picture from March 2011.

Ok let's be real...

I was never a stick figure, and I was and still am fine with that. However, somewhere between 2009 and the beginning of 2011 I completely lost my sexy. Like I said, I was never stick thin, and I was okay with having meat on  my bones cause I knew I was still sexy, but the chubs started creeping...I mean it was as if one day I woke up with an XXXL chub suit on. I didn't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. I was unrecognizable to myself, sad, discouraged, disgusted, and worst of all I would say the most hurtful things to myself.

...Super hurtful...

For some reason, it was okay for me to say those things, but not for other people. It didn't help that the people I thought would have my back and show some encouragement...didn't. Instead these were the same people that would poke fun and make jokes about my weight...I mean we've heard this story a million times before, but when you're actually the one going through it, it's not all fun and games. I mean they make you feel so horrible about yourself, and the thought that if they have the balls to say these things while you're around imagine what they say when you're not is even worse. What they could never understand is that as much as they thought their words were hurting or helping, I was way stronger on the inside, more then they could have imagined. All it was, was FUEL FOR THE FIRE! The funny thing to me is that some of these people who would crack jokes about my weight weren't exactly in shape either...not even close. The difference is that I knew I'd do something about my weight, and they probably wouldn't. Call this putting people on blast, call it whatever you like, I just think it's time to be real.

...Excuses...or...Reasons...

I know people will say these are excuses and I'll agree that I had many excuses for why I wasn't working out or doing something about my weight...but there are also reasons and situations that we all go through that contribute to losing your sexy. I would rather call them reasons, but you can call them whatever you want.

Here are my 5 biggest reasons:

Reason #1 for losing sexy: Straight up LAZY.

Reason #2 for losing sexy: Ate like there was no tomorrow.

Reason #3 for losing sexy: Unfulfilling relationships...nuff said.

Reason #4 for losing sexy: Grad school.

*And I recently found Reason #5 for losing sexy: A medical issue...that I'll eventually talk about.

Everyone knows what it's like to be lazy, but to be *straight up* lazy is different...You couldn't get me to run anywhere unless someone was chasing me and come on, how often does that happen?

My eating habits were out of control...not like a little out of control, but a lot out of control. I would eat what I wanted when I wanted and didn't give no damn. I loved food, still love food, and will always love food, but for some reason I ate food like it was going out of style.

Not being happy with other things in life contributed to me being more lazy and eating more...I think it's pretty self explanatory that if you're not happy other things won't work as they should, for example relationships. The relationship can be any...significant partner, family member, friends, collegues...if it's not fulfilling, encouraging, loving, supportive, or whatever it is you're looking for from that relationship then it makes it hard to find that motivation, desire, and inspiration to get moving.

Grad school...geez...well, that took  up most of my life from 2009 until 2010...the amount of time and effort I spent completing that program, left little time for me to want to go to the gym. I know I could have made the time, but I didn't want to. Fast food and take out was the easiest and fastest way to go when I was writing papers or studying for exams. Sooo of course the chubs packed on.

The medical reason...well, I'll save that for another time. But just to add to the loss of sexy...the medical issue does involve weight gain.

Sooo...I would say I gained more than 50 pounds in a matter of less than two years. Maybe it's around 60 pounds, I'm not too sure since I stopped weighing myself at some point...The only time I would step on a scale would be if I was at the doctor's office. All I know is I LOST MY SEXY and I wasn't happy about. It just would take the right time, people, and mindset to get it back...and that's where I'm at now.

I still don't have the desire to ever fit into a size zero, but for those of you who do, I guess we won't be fighting over jeans at a store...so it's all good. I just wish the size of your pants wasn't such a big deal in today's world, but let's be honest, it is to a certain degree. I'm not just referring to the size, but also weight in general. Butttttt I'm on the road back to sexy and healthy. I've lost 53 pounds and two sizes so far, but more on that next time...

*I'M BRINGING SEXXXXXXY BACK*